LovesMiss

Estimated reading time: 14 minutes Hello, Dr. NerdLove! First off, your blog has been a great help to me, more than I can describe. I’m a definite late bloomer, nerdy, autistic, a healthy dose of low self-esteem, and to top it off, lesbian. All this made me avoid romance and love like the plague, since most depictions of relationships were nothing like what I wanted for myself (or could see myself being in). I’ve been putting a lot of work in on my confidence, mental health, fashion, and social skills, and your advice hits home. So, onto my conundrum. I have a good deal of female friends, of whom I…

Estimated reading time: 17 minutes Hi Doc, Reaching out with some questions about a poly dynamic I’m currently in. I’ll start with some context…it’s a long story but I’ll try to make it as quick as possible without leaving anything important out. So, my current partner, let’s call her Haley, and I have been together for 3 years. When we first started dating, she was my boss and was in a poly relationship with another person, let’s call him Alex. Alex was married in addition to dating Haley. When I started dating Haley, we were on a work contract out of state and Haley was my boss. Alex wasn’t happy…

Estimated reading time: 16 minutes Dear Doctor, I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while, and I believe you can help me with my predicament So I need some advice, I ((27/M) met a girl “Jane” (27/F) a month ago, we met at a place I frequently visit to social dance (I usually dance salsa, bachata and other Latin rhythms) I’ve been hanging out with this girl, she’s perfect in the way I want her to be, she’s so euphoric, optimistic, extroverted, she has such a warm energy and such a positive personality I just love, she’s also so smart and well versed in so many things I love,…

Estimated reading time: 17 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove: I keep hearing you and other people say that “the bar for men is in Hell”, but I can’t believe that’s the case. I’ve got my shit together, I’ve got my own home, a good job, I’m educated, I treat people nicely and I never get a date. Every time I talk to women, things never go anywhere. I match with women on Hinge and I meet all the standards they say they want and I get ghosted. Meanwhile, guys who’ve cheated on every girlfriend they ever had and gaslight every woman around them are getting laid and having a great time.…

Estimated reading time: 15 minutes Doctor’s Note: Before we get to today’s column, I want to announce that my new podcast “Do As We Say, Not As They Did”  is live. Join me and my friend and co-host Dr. Liz as we give unfiltered analysis of dating discourse, resolve romantic ructions and give honest advice taken from other people’s poor decisions. Episodes drop every other Wednesday, and you can find them on the Do As We Say YouTube channel, Spotify and everywhere you get your podcasts. And now, your letters.  Dr. NerdLove, I really need advice as I cannot figure out how to move forward in my relationship, or if maybe I’m…

Estimated reading time: 13 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove: I need help not fucking up my relationship the way I have before. Every time I’ve been with someone, my anxiety rages out of control and I act out and either my girlfriend breaks up with me because shes tired of putting up with me or I end up pushing her away. I’m with “Charlotte” and I love her madly, even though it hasn’t been very long. She’s kind, supportive, incredibly smart and talented, caring and loving  and has never given me a real reason to doubt how she feels about me. I know part of the  problem is that I know…

Estimated reading time: 20 minutes Dear Doctor NerdLove, Thank you so much for selecting my letter and for your incredible, compassionate response. You were right, and while I didn’t need a Clarence, I think this still qualifies you for wings. I wish I could adequately convey in words the depth of “seen” that I felt from your reply. I was hurting a lot at that time and it wasn’t easy to get through. It hit a point where therapy and meds almost weren’t enough. I really learned who was willing to show up for me, which was humbling; and I also learned who wasn’t, which was heartbreaking, but necessary. I’m…