4 simple steps to a romantic life reset this year

It’s never too late to begin again, and the start of the year is the perfect time to choose to do things differently, especially to choose to date differently. How can you create a different outcome to what’s gone before? Following the maxim that ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’, here are four things you can change to reset your romantic life this year.

1. Your mindset

Does your thinking need a refresh? Do you have outdated core beliefs about yourself, about dating or about relationships? Do you approach your romantic life with a glass half-empty attitude, rather than half-full or topped up to the brim?

In love and in life, our mindset impacts the outcome, dictating how much effort we put in, how much enthusiasm we bring and the choices we make. If we believe that dating is difficult or that all the eligible people are taken, this will affect our energy and the actions we take, potentially scuppering our chances of finding our person. But if we believe that this is the year we’ll meet our partner, we’ll show up with an open heart and positive energy.

So, this is an invitation to reboot your mindset if you notice it needs an upgrade. What would it look like to date with faith and trust? What steps would you take if you truly believed that God was in charge of or partnering with you in your romantic life?

Try approaching dating with a hopeful, playful attitude, trusting that God cares about your romantic life and is guiding your path.

2. How you show up

When you step onto the dating scene, are you putting your best foot forward? Many of us invest large amounts of time and energy searching for a new job or our next home, but we skimp when it comes to our romantic life.

We neglect our online dating profiles, upload old photographs, ignore messages, allow promising chats to fizzle out because we think we’re too busy or drag out conversations with people who aren’t right for us.

This year, why not commit to showing up differently? Spend time choosing your best photographs, ask a friend to take some new pictures of you, or, if possible, invest in a professional shoot. Spend time writing your profile too, perhaps with the input of those who know you well. Show up courageously and authentically.

You may want to invest in some new clothes, too, so that when a dating opportunity arises, you don’t have to scramble to find something to wear. You’re ready.

With these steps you will be dedicating time to your romantic life and prioritising your dreams, rather than leaving them languishing on the back burner.

3. Where you show up

Firstly, make sure you are showing up online. Consider signing up to online dating if you haven’t yet done so or rejoining if you’ve been taking a break.

This is about changing your routine, stepping out of your comfort zone and shaking things up in a good way. Walk a different route to work. Take an earlier train. Try out a different coffee shop. Go to a co-working space instead of staying at home.

Say ‘Yes’ to an invitation when you might normally say ‘No’ because it’s not your thing. Experiment with a different social group or a new hobby.

We find comfort and safety in routines but the miracles often happen outside our comfort zones. You’ll have a different experience and you might make some new connections.

4. The boundaries you set

Boundaries are limits that we can put in place, both to protect us from hurt and to motivate us to move forwards.

When it comes to dating, if we tend to move too quickly, we can set healthy boundaries for ourselves to slow things down. We can choose how many messages we send online or how late we stay out on dates, and we can decide the pace at which a relationship develops.

On the other hand, if we are prone to neglecting our romantic life in favour of work or other commitments, we can set boundaries or mini goals to nudge ourselves into action. For example, we can commit to spending two hours online each week or to messaging three potential dates or to having at least one face-to-face encounter each month. We get to choose.

In prayer, we can ask God what boundaries we need to set, either to keep ourselves safe or to move through our fear or inertia towards love. We can also involve our friends, asking them to keep us accountable to the promises we make to ourselves and sharing with them when we struggle to respect our boundaries.

If you commit to dating with a hopeful mindset, show up differently, find ways to expand your social circles and have new encounters and set healthy and loving boundaries that both protect your heart and inspire you to take courageous actions, I believe you’ll have a different experience of dating and, God willing, you’ll meet your person this year.