What to know about ‘Chatfishing’ and AI when online dating

Love it or loathe it, AI technology has quickly become an accepted part of daily life online. Whether it’s the growing numbers of realistic-looking videos produced by generative AI, or an LLM (Large Language Model) like ChatGPT offering to plan a holiday, what humans managed to do alone for many years now comes with a world of virtual options – and often a sense of confusion or overwhelm.

How can we know what’s real? And what does this mean for online dating and authentic connection? Perhaps you’ve received a message from a connection that sounds a little too perfect, or you’ve wondered if an LLM could help you say exactly what you want to say in your profile. There’s a word for asking an AI tool to help you date online: chatfishing.

What is ‘chatfishing’?

A pun on the negative term ‘catfishing’, chatfishing is when someone uses AI tools to generate their dating profile or messages. Unlike catfishing, which is an attempt to deceive, chatfishing can be an attempt to make the best possible first impression.

Chatfishers aren’t usually pretending to be someone they’re not. If you get a message from Keanu Reeves or Sabrina Carpenter suggesting that they’d like a date, that’s still an old-fashioned catfish. Chatfishers are often trying to be themselves, but better. But when someone leans on AI assistance rather than communicating naturally in their own words, this can create an expectation of who they are that doesn’t match the in-person reality.

How to spot when someone might be using AI

AI-written profiles and messages can sound genuine – because often the person behind them is. The personal details will be real and accurate, but the phrasing can sound a little too polished. And yes, the overuse of – em dashes is a classic sign that AI is giving someone a helping hand!

Other key signs of AI use you might notice include:

• Profiles that say a lot without really sounding personal. Phrases that would work better on Linkedin than a dating site can be one sign, along with a glossy ‘sales pitch’ style listing multiple wonderful traits.

• Lengthy messages that seem very well written, but oddly generic. They might answer all your questions as though they’re writing an essay.

• Message replies that don’t quite answer what you asked, or replies that repeat and affirm everything in your own messages.

• Overly flattering or intense responses early on, eg: “That’s such a good question. I feel a deep connection with you already”.

These signs don’t automatically mean someone is fake, or even that they’re using AI. Some people are simply confident, verbose writers. Others may be genuine but less confident communicators who have asked AI to give them a hand.

Why genuine people might use AI

Writing a dating profile can feel like an overwhelming task for those who aren’t confident talking about themselves, or putting their feelings into words. For people who aren’t naturally expressive, or who might not be writing their first language, it can be particularly tempting to ask an LLM to make sure their profile shows them at their best.

Or, if someone’s social skills are better in person, they might ask AI to help them with a smooth-sounding reply to a message or question. In most cases, AI is used in an attempt to impress, rather than lie.

Why it’s better to be yourself

Something can seem a little ‘off’ when the other person is using AI instead of their own words, and this can make the whole conversation uncomfortable. Most of our members aren’t looking for perfection, they’re looking for something real.

Your quirks, your faith journey, your sense of humour, even your bad spelling… these are the things that make you who you are. Using AI to speak for you can smooth things out so much that your personality gets sanded away.

Authentic, personally written messages feel warmer and more genuine, help build trust more quickly, and make it easier for both of you to imagine how a real-life connection might go. Plus, you know the other person is genuinely interested in you, and is investing the time to communicate.

Remember that the aim of online dating is to meet in person. If you can’t come up with the same kind of responses when you’re chatting over coffee as you can in your mailbox then the date is going to end up as a disappointment. Rather than see that as inevitable, take a risk and be yourself! Nobody is perfect and everyone wants to be given a chance to connect authentically.

If you must use AI, use it honestly

Using AI as a tool is very different from using it as a mask to hide behind, and while it would be preferable not to involve LLMs in the dating process, for some it could be too tempting not to ask if for a helping hand, whether for local date ideas or conversation topics to open a chat.

If you feel you need AI to help give your words a little polish, why not mention at the top of your profile that you’re real, but you asked AI to give you a hand with talking about yourself? People will really appreciate the transparency, as would you. Nobody wants a scenario where two people hope they’re making a connection only to find they’re reading each other’s AI-generated words.

How to give someone a ‘reality check’

If you’re starting to get the feeling that someone you’re speaking to may be using AI to gloss up their responses, it’s fine to politely ask about this. Keep it light and respectful. Something like, “I’m really enjoying your messages. Lots of people seem to use AI now to help with writing. Do you ever use anything like that?”

Remember, using AI doesn’t necessarily make someone ‘fake’, or mean you won’t like them when they put things into their own words.

Alternatively, you might want to ask to chat on the phone, or over video, to make sure that your connection is still the same when speaking. We still recommend meeting in person within two weeks of starting to chat – it’s the surest way to establish whether you have something worth pursuing in real life.

Stay vigilant but remain open

It’s important to be able to spot when someone isn’t being genuine. Scammers are a problem across all dating sites, and now have the option to use AI to try and appear more ‘real’. Remember: the Christian Connection team are on hand to help if you have any concerns about someone you’re speaking to. We have robust procedures to follow up and deal with this. However, many reports of ‘fake’ or AI profiles turn out to belong to genuine members. So, while it’s important to be alert, try not to assume everyone using AI is dishonest or unsafe.

By getting to know them, asking genuine, personal questions, and making sure to be aware of our tips for online safety, you can still find a real connection.

And, if you’re thinking about using AI to write your profile, think again about whether you really need to. On Christian Connection we know that trust matters, and honesty is the best foundation for meaningful Christian relationships. You can start showing that just by being yourself. In our experience, a slightly awkward but genuinely written profile will always beat a flawless but soulless one.

Let us know – what do you think about ‘chatfishing’ and using AI tools in dating?