Bonus Action: Flurry of Dating Advice

Estimated reading time: 8 minutes

Doctor’s Note:  I’m recently back from a trip to Scotland and jet-lag is beating my ass like it’s trying to master the drum solo from YYZ. But since I occasionally get letters that don’t merit a response or are so short that they aren’t practical for a full column, I’m going to use a ki point to clear out some of the inbox with flurry of replies…

Hey, Dr. Nerdlove. Something you should know about me? I’m a bit of a J-horror junkie. I’ve been a horror fan in general since I was in middle school.

Recently, I’ve been listening to H.P. Lovecraft audiobooks and I’ve even fallen asleep to them a couple of times. I’ve watched anime adaptations of Junji Ito’s manga like Uzumaki and Gyo. Just last year, I got into this obscure anime called “Hell Girl”.

So where does dating come in? Well…I guess I’m a “ghost chaser”?

I know that’s not an actual slang term, and I understand that’s kind of weird to say. But I recently found out I like women with pale skin and long black hair.

I’m a fan of a few female characters from Japanese horror: Sadako Yamamura from “Ring”, Kayako Saeki from “Ju-On”/”The Grudge”, Tomie Kawakami from “Tomie”, and Ai Enma from “Hell Girl”.. What do they all have in common? Pale skin and long black hair!

And just a few months ago, I found out about this former J-metal band called NECRONOMIDOL, and one of the members is this woman with…well, you get the point. She’s now a soloist that goes by Ilisveil. I remember seeing her and thinking…”Wow, she’s really cute!”

I think you get the point. And as cringeworthy as this is, if a woman with those traits happens to be of Asian descent (like Ilisveil), that adds to her charm because it reminds me of J-horror.

So you kind of get the point: My interests kinda shaped my tastes a little bit. If a woman looks like a or like she might crawl out of my TV screen, one half of my brain tells me “Wow, who’s THAT? You should hit her up!”

But the other half of me is saying that I’m weird for this. I also don’t have much dating experience; I’m a big introvert. Has my interest in the macabre become unhealthy, or am I okay? Also, do you have any good dating advice that I should take? Thanks for your time.

Love Is Kinda Crazy With A Spooky Little Girl Like Yu…

That was a lot of words to say “I’m into Asian goth chicks”, my guy.

If you’re that determined to put the “boo” in “weeaboo”, and really want to put a Ringu on it, go put on some Buck Tick and Kizu, maybe a little 69 Eyes for Western flavor, get a pair of New Rocks and pants with an excessive number of straps, ashit your local anime con and see who wants to complain about the Uzumaki anime with you.

Good luck.

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Hey Doc, I need advice and have some questions to ask. I am 19 years old and a virgin. I am underweight (5’11, 115 lbs.) So I just don’t talk to girls because I know the answer. They will always say no because I am too skinny and have no muscle. Please help!

No More Heroes (of The Beach)

First: do yourself a favor and google “Perry Farrell” and realize that this dude was sex-on-toast of the alt-rock scene, then quit pre-rejecting yourself and go talk to some girls.

Failing that, you could always eat more protein, start with some basic body weight exercises before going to a gym and working with a personal trainer to ensure that you don’t wreck your back and shoulders and lift some weights. And you’re still going to be single, because this has nothing to do with a lack of muscle and everything with watching all the wrong TikTok vids on your FYP.

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Dear Dr. NerdLove:

I can’t seem to stop having sex with coworkers… I keep being drawn to them. I have had sex with many of my coworkers… some are even married. How do I stop being drawn to them.

Home Wrecker

I’d point out that you’re only half the problem, since I doubt you’re kicking the feet out of these dudes and pinning them to the ground with your hoo-hah against their (increasingly aroused, learning things about themselves) will. It takes two to tango after all.

But like I’m always saying: attraction isn’t an obligation and  horniness isn’t a commandment, so you could always, y’know…

not

fuck them.  

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DOCTOR, YOU WANT BE IN RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU KNOW HIM BUT YOU WANT LET KNOW YOU ALWAYS READY FOR NEW THINGS AND STAY LONGER WHO YOU LOVE THEN FAMILY AND THEN OTHER MEN ,BUT SEE YOU DOESNOT MATTER WHO WAS ALREADY LOVING SOMEONE WHO WAS YOU WHEN SHE DIDNT KNOW HIM, AND I WANT TO TELL ALL LOT THING I KEPT SECERT FROM HIM.

…ma’am, are you ok? Do you need me to call someone for you? Are you having a stroke? Do you smell toast?

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Doctor:  “Nobody is obligated to give you an opportunity any more than you are obligated to give others the chance to talk to you if you don’t want.”

I am obligated to do this. I am a member of civil society. I am a human being. I am obligated to give others the chance to speak to me in public. Its called society. Maybe you have heard of it. Some have even claimed that we live in a society. I hate talking to people. I hate when people talk to me, particularly out of nowhere. And yet every time some Moonie or schizophrenic homeless person tries to get my attention I will speak to them and at least listen to what they are asking me for. I have an obligation to my fellow man to hear their entreaties and possibly offer my assistance. I do not have an obligation to help them, but I do have an obligation to speak to them. The idea that we do not is rank Hitlerism, it is the core of fascism, i.e. the destruction of civil society.

Also, you know that you are lying. There are plenty of “famous” “feminists” (women with thousands of twitter followers) who insist that men should “never” (verbatim) speak to them in public, and they will not even assist men with simple human requests (such as giving literally “the time of day”). It is antihuman, anti-social (in the most literal sense) and thus pro fascism. This is obvious, and yet you do not critique this. Why?

When I was in college a few years ago, many times while walking (I walk very fast), even with headphones in, either Christian proselytizers or random non-English speakers asking directions would very intrusively get my attention. One time, after a particularly persistent old Korean woman basically forced me to remove my headphones, I thought to myself “I am going to stop responding when people try to get my attention”. I had a bit of an epiphany, that perhaps this is what those “feminists” felt like.

I immediately critiqued this in myself as a sign of my own authoritarianism and anti-social attitudes. No. I do owe humanity towards other humans. I do owe the “time of day” to my fellow man. We all do. I will not degrade myself by resorting to treating others like objects simply due to my own discomfort. My point here is not to make myself as some sort of paragon. In fact I am a very nihilistic and cynical person. I am a technoaccelerationist who is very openly ambivalent towards biological life on Earth, and revel in antihumanist and pessimistic ideologies. If even I am capable of maintaining this self critique of my own authoritarianism, then how violently fascistic must your audience (and yourself) be?

I have had people knock on my car window at night alone at a gas station. I have had people honk at me walking. I will always answer them, even if angry or frightened, because that is part of being a human person. It is, in fact, the actual Rousseauvian Social Contract which you seem to reference but do not seem to understand or uphold. The idea that woman can not do this is unironically more sexist than anything I have ever heard from an “incel”. You are literally saying that women can not be full human persons. This is an idea which I obviously disagree with.

When you think about it honestly, don’t you have to admit that women refusing to talk to someone is exactly the same as annexing the Sudentland?

Sir, while I appreciate that you apparently have also watched a season of The Good Place, I am obligated to inform you that watching The Joker fifteen times in one day is not the same as having a personality, writing like Sephiroth isn’t going to make anyone take your word salad more seriously, and that hot takes are only interesting when there’s actual thought behind it instead of buzzwords that you use incorrectly to bolster an argument you’re failing at making, and an underlying message of “but the social contract says you have to put up with me!” isn’t going to change anyone’s mind.

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.