Opposites attract? 6 helpful tips for extrovert / introvert dating

Picture the scene: you’ve had an excellent first date with someone, you really like them, and you want to meet them again – but you are complete opposites in one area. One of you is an introvert and the other is an extrovert. We’ve all heard the term ‘opposites attract’ when it comes to dating – how can it work when you might be different in this area?

For extroverts and introverts, opposites can work but it takes willingness to learn about each other and adapt. It is all about knowing how to navigate dating the opposite, respecting and helping each other, but most of all it’s about communicating your needs, worries and boundaries and working to find a balance together.

Here are a few ideas to get you started when thinking about how to make it work whilst staying true to who God made you and thriving together.

1. Be respectful

You have different preferences for socialising and how to recharge, and that is fine. Being respectful of each other is vital in ensuring that you each feel validated and safe, whilst holding the boundaries that you both have.

An extrovert will need to spend time socialising to recharge, and an introvert will need to spend time in a quieter setting to re-energise. Both will need charging up, both will need to get energy from somewhere, both will need to relax somehow – but both do it differently.

When you respect the differences, you can start to navigate those differences together.

2. Understand differing needs

Extroverts and introverts have different needs. An extrovert tends to express problems and thoughts openly, whereas an introvert prefers to think things through before speaking. The moment you understand the differences in the needs, it helps you to work through issues and problems in the most helpful way.

Know when to be silent and when to talk – although this isn’t easy in the first few dates, having an idea of how your date might think does help. As you get to know each other and explore more about one another, try to consider how the other person may feel, respond, or what their needs might be.

3. Vary your approach

You could take turns to choose a location or activity for your date, so that both of you feel comfortable. This will also help you get to know each other better by learning each other’s preferences. Respect when your date is out of their comfort zone, and what will help them to feel safe and comfortable.

4. Be what the other isn’t

Use the ‘opposite’ to your advantage. An extrovert might actually relish the safety of an introvert. Should the dating relationship develop into something long-term, the prospect of going home to them isn’t boring – it’s safe and peaceful.

An introvert might actually gain some freedom by being around an extrovert’s comfort zone. It may bring them out of their shell a little, but the boundaries need to be respected. Getting them out and about might help expand their world, too.

5. Communicate

You need to communicate your needs and boundaries clearly. Whether you prefer quiet, one-on-one dates or livelier sociable double or group dates, communicate so both your needs can be met.

It is a process to learn about each other – as it is in any dating relationship – and to do this you have to communicate and remember that both sides are valid and important. It becomes unbalanced when one person sacrifices more than the other to change for someone and then resentment builds.

6. Love and be patient through it

The Bible tells us that ‘love is patient and love is kind’. There will be times along the road or even at the beginning, where it may be a little bumpy. However, if God is at the centre and you both feel that you have a future together, then God will help you work through the rough times.

It’s a kind and humane thing to think of the other person first. This just has to be accentuated when dating someone opposite to you in key ways, to truly understand how they are feeling when it is alien to you. The sooner you try and see their side, it will help you communicate and thrive as a partnership.