Curiosity, kindness and connection – 6 simple ways to bring out the best in your date

When you start looking for a partner online, it’s easy to focus on the earliest stages of connecting: do you like each other’s pictures? Do your locations and other preferences match up and, of course, do they like you in return? But what about once those early checkpoints are all ticked off? To form a meaningful, lasting connection you’re going to want to really get to know each other, and when you’ve started out as strangers, sometimes it’s hard to know where or how to begin. The good news is that there are lots of small, simple ways to connect right from the start and bring out the best in your date.

It sounds simple, but creating a space where someone feels comfortable to share who they are takes thought, kindness, and patience. By helping the other person feel at ease without putting them on the spot, crossing their boundaries, or creating a rushed sense of intimacy you create an atmosphere where conversation and connection can flourish.
Whether you’re sending your first message or planning to meet for coffee, here are some practical tips to bring out the best in someone and build a genuine connection.

1. Start with what they’ve shared already

The best place to begin is with their profile. They’ve already given you clues about what matters to them! Make sure to take the time to read it carefully and pick out highlights that catch your attention. Ask about them, and allow the opportunity to expand on what they’ve already written.

For example, if they love the outdoors, you could ask what location that they’ve explored has the most beautiful views, or share why you love a walking trail near you. A foodie is bound to have a list of restaurant recommendations, or a baker a favourite recipe. Let them share their passions, and delve deeper if you can.

If their profile isn’t too detailed and you’d like to know more, let them know this too. Maybe you’d love to hear about their worship style or what preachers inspire them. You could even ask what profile questions they’d like to see added (and give them your answers!).
Early questions like these show that you’re paying attention and are genuinely interested in who they are.

2. Be curious to keep the conversation going

Sometimes even a great chat can tail off if it feels like you’ve run out of ground to cover. Try friendly, open-ended questions to spark off new conversation topics. These are questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. They ask for thought from the other person, so remember to respond to them with a thoughtful reply of your own.

Try questions like: What’s something that made you smile this week?
Or: If you had one completely free day, how would you choose to spend it?

Not every question has to be open-ended, or deep and meaningful. Asking fun, light questions about favourite foods, animals or TV shows can also open the door to broader conversations.

Show that you’re willing to learn about their world, and find out how you might fit into it. Be interested but not intrusive, and don’t fire off lists of questions that will require an essay to answer. Remember to keep your questions as an invitation rather than a challenge.

Check out the Christian Connection blogs on how to have better conversations, and creative first date questions.

3. Listen, and give them space to speak

When things get quiet it can be tempting to jump in with our own stories, but sometimes allowing a pause will let the other person start to open up more.

This goes for real life as well as messages sent via Christian Connection. If someone takes a while to reply, don’t be impatient with them. Send a friendly check-in if needed, rather than assuming they’re not interested.

Similarly, if someone is quieter in person, giving them the space to speak can make a big difference. Listen to what they do say, and gently encourage them to tell you more. Whether online or face to face, the tone you set in a conversation matters, and patience and kindness will go a long way.

4. Share without being overwhelming

Really getting to know someone means opening up yourself, too. Be emotionally available and interested in what the other person says and, when it feels right, share your own interests, or go deeper and show a little vulnerability. Talking about your own vulnerabilities can help another person find the courage to express theirs, and you might find places to bond over common interests.

However, try not to overwhelm the conversation with stories and explanations from your side. If you’re an expert at one of your hobbies then pouring out all the information you know might be fascinating… or just a little boring! Share a little and see if they want to hear more.

When getting personal, remember to keep it appropriate and to respect any boundaries the other person sets. As the Bible says, “Show proper respect to everyone.” Keep conversation light in the early stages and avoid heavy topics too soon. That doesn’t mean every chat has to be surface level, but there’s no need to rush into sharing your deepest struggles on date one. Allow space for trust to grow before moving into more sensitive territory.

5. Encourage, don’t criticise

One of the most valuable things about connection is being able to encourage each other. If the other person mentions they’re job-hunting, learning a new skill, or taking up a hobby, this could be your chance to cheer them on. A simple “That sounds exciting, I’d love to hear how it goes!” can show your support. Remember to ask about it again later on, and you’ll show you’ve really been paying attention.

Getting involved in someone else’s hobby, or even watching a movie or TV show that they love can be a great way to expand your common ground.

Just be careful not to judge if their decisions aren’t what yours might be. Avoid criticising or dismissing their interests, even if they’re different from yours. And when it comes to faith, remember: everyone on Christian Connection is on their own journey. It’s natural to want to meet someone whose beliefs align with yours, but kindness and respect go a long way.
We don’t all have to like the same things, and of course, sometimes opposites attract!

6. Take your time

Getting to know someone shouldn’t be a race. Rushing things early on might leave you filling in important gaps in your knowledge of someone when it’s too late. By slowing down, being genuinely curious, and creating an encouraging atmosphere as you focus on learning who the other person really is, you’ll bring out the best in them, and give them the chance to see the best in you too.

After all, there’s never any reason to rush something that might just turn out to be forever.
Think of getting to know someone as putting down roots. Everything you learn about each other is a new one. If things go well, these roots can become the foundation on which to grow a blossoming relationship.