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My Friend Is STILL In An Abusive Relationship And He Won’t Leave!
Estimated reading time: 9 minutes Doctor’s Note: I’m in Seattle for WorldCon, so there will be a lighter publishing schedule through Wednesday. Hey Doc, You asked for a follow-up on Gary and Amanda, so here we are, back 4 years later. Long story short, they are still together, although there are new insights (and a giant flashing warning siren that I’ll get to later) He’s back in school as he started another degree. Shortly after my last letter they moved cross country again. He has only a year left on this program so hopefully he’s able to actually finish it this time before they change locales again. Our friend group…
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7 simple things to remember for a great first date
First dates can feel exciting and daunting at the same time. The key is to find a way to keep your nerves at bay, to show up authentically and to be open, whilst practising healthy boundaries and being aware of the potential pitfalls. Having enjoyable and fruitful first encounters is achievable. Here are some simple things to remember before your next one. Keep the date in perspective The purpose of a first date is to find out if you’d like a second date so try to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground and avoid fantasising about the future. Stay as present as possible and whenever you notice your…
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How Can I Be More of A Slut?
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes Doctor’s Note: I’m in Seattle for WorldCon, so there will be a lighter publishing schedule this week. Paging Dr. NerdLove! Over the last year, my spouse and I transitioned our relationship from a vaguely ethnically non-monogamous marriage to a fully open polyamorous relationship. This has been *wildly* successful, I’m happy to report. We are still happily married and nesting, and we each have one additional partner who we are absolutely head-over-heels for. So, what’s the problem? Well, I’m falling head first into a *big*, capital ‘S’ Slut era. All of my partners are fully on board and supportive of this, and we’ve already established boundaries…
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I Helped My Friend Cheat On His Girlfriend. What Should I Do?
Estimated reading time: 14 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove, I have a question that’s not really about my relationship but about one I’ve been dragged into. I work in a medium-to-small-sized department of a large corporation. Because we have a certain level of independence and separation from the rest of the company, we have our own culture of sorts – we’re not all close friends or know the intimate details of each other’s lives outside of the office or anything, but a lot of us are friendly and hang out together outside of work. I mention this because it will be relevant in a moment. Recently, “James” was transferred to our…
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I’m Perfectly Average. Why Do I Fee Like There’s No Hope For Me To Find Love?
Estimated reading time: 17 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove, I don’t even know where to start. I’m just an average guy. I don’t stand out physically. I’m not tall, I’m not ripped, and I don’t have a jawline that can cut glass. I used to think personality mattered — that if I was kind, interesting, and genuinely cared about a woman, that would mean something. But then came Tinder. And TikTok. And now I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore. Tinder destroyed my confidence. It’s like playing a game where you’re never allowed to win. I’ve swiped for years, gotten barely any matches, and when I did, they rarely led…
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“God gives us something better than we can even hope for” – Daniel & Selena, our Christian Connection story
Selena had grown up in the country on her family’s farm and was working as a teacher when she joined Christian Connection. “I’d been single for a while and wanted another avenue to meet people that was outside of the circles that I was already in,” she remembers. Daniel was a farmer who was looking to meet someone. “We were both looking for Christian partners,” he says, “Christian Connection was the spot to be.” When Daniel became a full member, Selena took notice: “He’d actually written more in his profile, he’d actually taken time. So I actually just sent him a message and said, Do you want to go for…
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The Only Women Who Like Me Are Ones I Don’t Like!
Estimated reading time: 15 minutes I’ve a situation that’s been bugging me for a while now. I’m a 38-year-old guy, pretty well put-together, decent job, in decent shape, emotionally intelligent, and I know how to treat people well. I’m not out here looking for some kind of validation, but I’ve been in the dating game long enough to know when something just doesn’t add up. Here’s the issue: I seem to only ever attract women who aren’t my type and certainly not people I would choose for a date. The women who seem to be the most into me are the ones I have zero attraction to. They’re co-workers, casual…
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How Do I Figure Out My Flirting Style?
Estimated reading time: 17 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove, I’ve been reading your blog for a few years now. I remember when I first got exposed to the ideas of personal responsibility and living with intent. Naturally, I hated it. Over the years I internalized these ideas to get where I am now. I’m no longer in student debt and I’m moving out of my unhappy family home very soon. I have an in-depth dating question but first I’d like to get some context out of the way as well as some very substantial progress I’ve made mentally. I’ve done a lot of crazy things over the past 2 years. From jumping out of…
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How Can I Help My Best Friend Find Love?
Estimated reading time: 18 minutes Hi Doc, Apologies ahead of time, but you tend to ask for more details from people so this may be a long one. This isn’t a letter for a problem I’m having, but instead looking for advice on how to help someone else. I’ve been trying to help one of my best friends all the way from childhood, “M”, score a date for years now, but it’s never really worked out and recent events have me feeling a little guilty. M and I are part of a fairly tight-knit and supportive friend group we’ve had since grade school. We’re all in our mid to late…
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5 helpful strategies for tackling dating fatigue
It’s not unusual to get to the point of feeling tired by dating and the same old small talk – let’s call it dating fatigue. I became very disheartened after a few years of monotonous first dates, hearing the same chat up lines, the same small talk, and explaining once again what I did for a living. When feeling down and not seeing hoped-for progress, it’s natural that a change and a refresh are needed. However, that was the exact moment – in the midst of the dating valley – that I met my now husband. So, what are some of the most effective ways to tackle dating fatigue? Here’s…
