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I Don’t Want To Break Up, But We Have To!
Estimated reading time: 17 minutes Hi Doc, I’m in my first romantic relationship. I knew going in that it was statistically unlikely to work out, so I tried not to get my hopes up, but I’m still crushed. My partner and I have had a couple discussions over the past few months that essentially amounted to “we want lives in different directions and neither of us are gonna change our minds, but we’re still in love so let’s enjoy this while it lasts.” He’s one of the kindest, gentlest, most thoughtful people I know, and even though we’ve only been dating for a little less than a year, I’d consider…
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Why Do I Have To Put In All This Work And STILL Not Be Happy?
Estimated reading time: 14 minutes I’ve been reading advice after advice, letter after letter. And your advice boils down to “tough it up”. I have autism and none of this has been helpful. Your confidence article in particular read utterly backwards to me. How the hell is confidence based on imaginary self-ego boosting nothing but arrogant bull? When I see people doing that around me, I go out of my way to remind them of *objective reality*. Subjective human thought can NEVER be more important than objective reality. Being happy or confident without objective reason to be is just self-delusion. An ostrich with its head in the sand. People don’t…
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I Just Don’t Know How To Talk To Girls!
Estimated reading time: 16 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove: I grew up pretty isolated from everyone. My parents emphasized that getting good grades should be my first priority when going to school, and as such, I was able to get a lot of scholarships and attend a pretty nice college. But I feel like I missed a lot of opportunities to develop a dating life. I was involved in all sorts of sports and extracurriculars, and I could socialize with people just fine, but I never was really a part of any specific friend group, and everything stayed in school. Toward my later years, I got along with just about everybody,…
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Curiosity, kindness and connection – 6 simple ways to bring out the best in your date
When you start looking for a partner online, it’s easy to focus on the earliest stages of connecting: do you like each other’s pictures? Do your locations and other preferences match up and, of course, do they like you in return? But what about once those early checkpoints are all ticked off? To form a meaningful, lasting connection you’re going to want to really get to know each other, and when you’ve started out as strangers, sometimes it’s hard to know where or how to begin. The good news is that there are lots of small, simple ways to connect right from the start and bring out the best in…
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How Can I Save My Best Friend From Her Husband?
Estimated reading time: 11 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove, I am a huge fan and have been following you for many years (2013?) but have never written. This is a crazy story but sadly it is true. My cousin (age 36) who is my best friend was in an abusive relationship for 7 years where she was subjected to violence on a regular basis. One day her boyfriend said she was bad for him and left. She called me in hysterics and we went on a girl’s night out to try and soothe her. That evening she began texting men on dating apps and paid special attention to one in particular.…
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I Want To Feel Sexier. What Should I Do?
Estimated reading time: 16 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove, I’m a straight man in my late 30s, married to an incredible woman for more than 10 years now. I want to make it clear before I ask my question that my relationship with my wife is amazing. I have no complaints about her or us. This is all about my issues, not something between my wife and myself that needs to be fixed. So I hope you can help me with this: I would like to feel sexy and I don’t. I never have. I would like to change this. I’m not looking to attract other women or have an affair.…
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Do I Have To Choose Between Success and Having A Social Life?
Estimated reading time: 15 minutes Dear Dr. NerdLove, I’m a 17-year-old male who is a freshman at a pretty high-ranking university, enrolled in EE-CS. Throughout high school, I took every AP class I could, grinded constantly, and somehow made it here. I thought I’d feel accomplished, but honestly, I just feel exhausted and more lost than ever. My entire life revolves around academics and “career prep.” Beyond my regular coursework, I’m constantly doing side projects, grinding LeetCode problems for hours, contributing to open-source repos, anything that might look good on a resume. I tell myself it’s all for landing that dream job at Meta, Netflix, or some other big tech…
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6 things to remember for a great second date
First dates are about first impressions and it’s normal to feel nervous when meeting someone for the first time. We might feel that we have to perform or sell ourselves in some way. But once we’re over this initial hurdle and have agreed to meet again, how do we have a great second date? Here are six tips to set you up for a fruitful second encounter, starting with that crucial period in between dates. Stay in reality If a first date was successful, it’s only natural to feel excited, especially if we’ve been waiting a long time to find our person. But in between dates, it’s important to strike…
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My Partner’s Upset Over How Many People I’ve Dated!
Estimated reading time: 15 minutes Hello, My partner (30M) and I (29F) have been together for over a year. We’re deeply in love, and from the beginning, it felt like everything just clicked. He feels like home to me. A few months into our relationship, he asked me how many people I had been with before him. I was honest and told him — 14. Ever since, he’s struggled with obsessive, intrusive thoughts about my past. Despite being a confident man in many areas of life, this topic seems to torment him regularly. He tells me it breaks his heart knowing I’ve “given myself to other men” and says it…
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How Do I Know When I’m Emotionally Ready To Date?
Estimated reading time: 17 minutes Hi there! I discovered your blog recently and have been reading through many of your posts. I appreciate the strong grasp you have on dating/romance, so I thought it might be a good idea to ask about something I’m struggling with. I’m a 31yo transmasc nonbinary person (they/he) who was just able, three years ago, to move from my abusive Mormon family’s home and start transitioning. My gender transition so far has had a huge positive effect on most life areas. However, romance is an area where I still have a really hard time. Partly because I’ve spent most my life under the power of…
